Christmas Eve was a gold-letter day for me. I felt as normal as I ever have. I started the day with washing my hair – even put on a little makeup for the 1st time in a long time. I even put my wedding rings back on since I figure I’m done with surgeries for a while. I’m not a makeup wearer beyond a little foundation and cheek blush. I had to stop wearing eye makeup long ago when I developed ocular rosacea and just never used it again. But I really felt good, so I dressed for the day and set about to get ready for our Christmas dinner. For some reason, I didn’t prepare very well for this day, as far as food and a menu, but I’m thankful that Mark did. He had bought a ham, so I quickly went to work putting together food to go with it. (By the way, that ended up being the best ham I’ve EVER eaten!) I didn’t have any of my recipe books here, but the good ole internet came to the rescue. I thought I’d make an apple pie, because that is Mark’s favorite, but when we made a run to the grocery store to get what I needed, Mark picked up this luscious chocolate cheese cake! So, that relieved me from having to make a pie. I pretty much spent the rest of the day in the kitchen. Mark helped me a lot. The boys were due back from their mom’s about 5:00 pm so they could eat with us and then open gifts.
I just couldn’t believe how great I felt! I didn’t get tired or dizzy. We had a great meal and a great evening sharing our gifts together. The boys were supposed to go back to their mom’s, but they wanted to stay all night and go back in the morning.
Christmas morning I got up, and I felt TERRIBLE – felt like I was in a FOG! I felt dizzy, wobbly, and shaky. So many times when I get up, I feel shaky – like my blood sugar is low. Nothing I’ve read says anything about any of the meds or chemo cause low blood sugar. But I do usually feel better after I eat. I think I’m going to bed too late (because I’m a night owl), which makes me get up late, and there is too much time between the previous evening meal and breakfast the next morning.
I think the biggest cause of this shaky/wobbly/dizziness is this gabapentin – the medication the doctor put me on for the hot flashes. I only take it at bedtime, and it has all but cured my hot flashes. I can’t tell you what a relief that is, but these side effects are nearly worse than the hot flashes!!! So, I just don’t know what to do. I really need to talk with the doctor again about this. I’m wondering if you are on the medication for a while, if these side effects start to go away. If not I may have to go back to the hot flashes, because I do not like to be in a fog all day and wondering if I’m going to tump over at some point.
This morning, I got up and didn’t feel too bad. I washed up in the bathroom, put on my makeup and decided to touch up my hair a bit. All of a sudden, I broke out in a sweat and had to sit down with my head between my knees. Every time I tried to get up, I felt like I would faint and fall on the floor. Guy was still in bed, and I hated to wake him up, but I finally had to call out to him to help me back to lie down on the bed. I was weak as a cat! I had him get me some orange juice, and after a few minutes, I carefully got dressed and inched down the stairs. I got some breakfast, and began to feel human again. That really scared me!! I just knew I was going to fall out on that bathroom floor earlier.
So, now, I’m trying to figure all this out. Is it the gabapentin? Did I crash after coming off of the corticosteroids I take the day before, of and after chemo? What is causing all this crazy dizziness and weakness????? Yikes, I hate that!!!
After I ate breakfast this morning, I felt better, and we even went out with Mark to eat Mexican food for lunch before his trip back to Canada. For the rest of the day, I’ve done very well, but I sure did have a rough start to the day!!!
Every night I’ve wondered – do I take this gabapentin or not? I love being hot-flash-free, but at what price??? I have slept well for the last 3 nights, so I know it helps me to sleep (side effect – drowsiness)
OK, enough whining……..
I finally broke down and bought a crochet hook and some yarn – like I don’t have a ton of this at the house in Little River! I hate sitting without my hands busy. And I thought it would help to exercise my left wrist. I found this cute little doggie sweater pattern to make for Annie.
I have no idea when I get it done if she will let me put it one her, but I figured here during KS winters, it might come in handy. I crocheted on it all last evening, and when I went to bed last night, I had stabbing pains in my wrist! Guess it is not used to that! 😀 So I rubbed some of my essential oils on it, and it did not keep me awake. I’ve almost got the length of the sweater done, and then I’ll do the legs.
This morning’s devotion was one I really needed. I gotta tell you……I’m NOT known for being a patient person. I just want this to all be over, so I can get on with my life! So, this kind of hit me between the eyes.
By Julie Ackerman Link -
"Sometimes I joke that I'm going to write a book titled On Time. Those who know me smile because they know I am often late. I rationalize that my lateness is due to optimism, not to lack of trying. I optimistically cling to the faulty belief that “this time” I will be able to get more done in less time than ever before. But I can't, and I don't, so I end up having to apologize yet again for my failure to show up on time.
In contrast, God is always on time. We may think He's late, but He's not. Throughout Scripture we read about people becoming impatient with God’s timing. The Israelites waited and waited for the promised Messiah. Some gave up hope. But Simeon and Anna did not. They were in the temple daily praying and waiting (Luke 2:25–26, 37). And their faith was rewarded. They got to see the infant Jesus when Mary and Joseph brought Him to be dedicated (vv. 27–32, 38).
When we become discouraged because God doesn't respond according to our timetable, Christmas reminds us that “when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son . . . that we might receive adoption to sonship” (Gal. 4:4–5). God’s timing is always perfect, and it is worth the wait.
Heavenly Father, I confess that I become impatient and discouraged, wanting answers to prayer in my own time and on my schedule. Help me to wait patiently for Your timing in all things.
God’s timing is always right—wait patiently for Him." - Our Daily Bread
I must try harder…..
As always…..I’m in His hands……