I went to bed early last night – well early for me. About 9:30, I felt myself nodding in my recliner. Ordinarily, I ignore that until it goes away and I stay up until sometime between 11 and 12. But because I’ve had so much trouble getting to sleep, I decided to heed the sleepy feeling. I still didn’t fall asleep for a while. For one thing, my feet were cold. I canNOT go to sleep when my feet are cold. The same thing happened last night. I had to get up and fumble in the dark to find a pair of socks in my dresser drawer. I know this is the neuropathy that is setting in. I was reading about neuropathy today, and it said your feet feel like they have socks on. That’s exactly how it feels while lying in bed. But then they are cold, too. Thankfully, I’m not having the painful kind – just the numbness. Well, while it is not painful, when I walk, I would say it is uncomfortable, because your feet feel a little like a block of wood. Now mine is not bad, yet. If I walk around a little bit, a little more feeling may return, but sometimes not. I’ve thought that wearing good supportive shoes – like my athletic shoes with good insoles was the thing to do. But it seems that tightness on my foot makes it worse. Like last night – had to get up and get socks again to warm my feet. All I could find were some little snug white footie-like ones that I wear in the summer. After putting those on and nearly going back to sleep, all of a sudden I had to jump up and throw them off!! The tightness felt crushing!! I began to think that what I need perhaps is more looseness – socks, shoes, etc. I fumbled around in the drawer until I found a pair that I knew would fit more loosely. Ahhhh…..warmth and comfort. And I fell asleep. Today, I’ve worn some shoes that are not as tight, and I’ve been more comfortable.
At my last infusion visit, I was talking with the nurse about this neuropathy, and after checking with the doctor, she said to increase my gabapentin and take a Vit B complex and a folic acid supplement. I was prescribed the gabapentin originally for the hot flashes. I could take up to 3 in a 24-hr period, but I should start with one – at night because it does cause drowsiness. That is what I’ve been taking until this week when I increased it to one in the morning and one at night to help with the neuropathy.
This morning I woke up early – about 5:45 – when I usually do, but I felt rested enough, I went ahead and got up. Usually I lie there for an hour or so thinking I might go back to sleep. I took the gabapentin, and decided to sit in the chair a bit before getting dressed. I basically felt good, except I was so DIZZY! I looked up the SE of gabapentin:
Dizziness, drowsiness, weakness, tired feeling; blurred vision; dry mouth; loss of balance or coordination. Check, check, check on all of those!!!
THAT’S why I felt so weird this morning. I was so dizzy, I almost felt like I was outside my body looking in. I basically felt good because I slept, and I’ve been off the Dexamethasone for 2 days, but this crazy uncoordinated dizzy feeling was not fun. (Did I tell you how much I hate Dexamethasone???)
Then I thought about the blurred vision I’ve been so concerned about, thinking it was just the chemo, but now, this causes it, too!! I can’t win!!! It is a battle between the cancer, the chemo side effects and the other drug side effects!!!!! Well, I certainly don’t want the cancer, so I take the chemo. And I certainly don’t want some of the side effects of the chemo, so I take these other drugs to combat that, but the side effects of THOSE drugs are such a bummer!!!! Waaaaaaa!!!!!! There is no way to win. You just pick your battles and wade on through I guess. What do they say…..sometimes the cure is worse than the disease??? *Sigh*
I’m quite concerned over my loss of stamina. It seems to have hit all of a sudden. I decided yesterday to start doing some leg exercises the PT in Overland Park gave me to regain my strength after my surgeries. I’m trying to do those twice a day. With this little house, there is not much room to get exercise – walking from the kitchen to the bedroom to the bathroom doesn’t pump a lot of blood, and it’s too cold to walk outside. I’ve tried to stay up and active more today and yesterday because I’ve felt better. I can tell when I’m overdoing – I break out in a cold sweat! I’m so afraid I’ll lose the strength I do have as I become more fatigued by the chemo. I have so many things I’d like to do, but just run out of gas when I get up to do them. ARGH!!
Well, enough belly-aching!! Guy always goes to coffee at 6:00 in the morning and stays until about 8:00, which is about when I finally get out of bed. This morning, I heard him come back early while I was in the bathroom. When I walked out, there he was sneaking back in with a Valentine balloon, candy hearts and Russell Stover chocolates! I know he thought he could get back in and put those in place before I ever woke up, and here I was!! Already up! That was so sweet of him. He’s so very good about things like this and never forgets! Oh, my, have I enjoyed those chocolates, too!
Our realtor texted me that we have a closing date of Feb. 27 on our Alabama house. WOO HOO!!! They will email us the papers, we will sign them, and then overnight them back to them. It’s finally going to happen!! I texted the people we are buying the house from and asked if we could walk through again just to take some measurements. I lie awake nights, placing furniture here and there in my head. That’s what we did last night. Just that activity made me break out in a cold sweat! But I’m getting really excited – overwhelmed, really, thinking about all that has to come together. Half the town has volunteered to help us move, and we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, but Guy did call a local moving company, and because we are just moving across town – a few blocks – it will not cost all that much to just have them load it up and haul it over there – worth it to us to not have to worry about it, especially the big stuff – like the double door refrigerator. The doors will have to come off of it since it is wider than the doors of this old house. And my piano – which isn’t an easy piece to move. Those who do want to help in some way can – perhaps help with the packing up of what remains unpacked in the house – just to get ready. I’m always reluctant to ask for help. I accept it if it is offered, but I’m just not the kind to ask for it. A lot of the boxes are still packed that we’ve just stored since we got here. We should be moving about the 2nd week of March. Jeannine will be coming the 3rd week of March from Colorado during her spring break, and she can help me organize the kitchen and put things away. You know, if your kitchen is put away, you feel like your whole house is done. There will be no need to hurry, since there is no one needing to get into the current house, and there is no need to get everything put away in the new one In a hurry, even though I’ll be anxious to get it done. I just simply will not be able to hurry to get it done. It will just take a while. I can only do what I can do, when I can do it. The good thing is that the two houses are only about 10 blocks apart.
I will be anxious to get my quilt room set up, though, because I’m beginning to feel the need to create again. All I can do right now is projects in my head and page through my quilt books and patterns and touch a little fabric that I did put out on the shelves. The machines remain packed tightly in their containers…..waiting……All in due time…..
From Jesus Calling:
“Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life – and onward into eternity.
Do not give into fear or worry, those robbers of abundant living. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them. Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them. Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am holding you by your right hand. Nothing can separate you from my Presence!”
Fix my eyes on Him….that is so key in my life right now – so many things try to take my focus off of Him. I . must . not . lose . my . focus……
And as always…….I remain in His hands…..