Christmas and after……

Christmas Eve was a gold-letter day for me.  I felt as normal as I ever have.  I started the day with washing my hair – even put on a little makeup for the 1^st time in a long time.  I even put my wedding rings back on since I figure I’m done with surgeries for a while.  I’m not a makeup wearer beyond a little foundation and cheek blush.  I had to stop wearing eye makeup long ago when I developed ocular rosacea and just never used it again.  But I really felt good, so I dressed for the day and set about to get ready for our Christmas dinner.  For some reason, I didn’t prepare very well for this day, as far as food and a menu, but I’m thankful that Mark did.  He had bought a ham, so I quickly went to work putting together food to go with it.  (By the way, that ended up being the best ham I’ve EVER eaten!) I didn’t have any of my recipe books here, but the good ole internet came to the rescue.  I thought I’d make an apple pie, because that is Mark’s favorite, but when we made a run to the grocery store to get what I needed, Mark picked up this luscious chocolate cheese cake!  So, that relieved me from having to make a pie.  I pretty much spent the rest of the day in the kitchen.  Mark helped me a lot.  The boys were due back from their mom’s about 5:00 pm so they could eat with us and then open gifts. 

I just couldn’t believe how great I felt!  I didn’t get tired or dizzy.  We had a great meal and a great evening sharing our gifts together.  The boys were supposed to go back to their mom’s, but they wanted to stay all night and go back in the morning.

Christmas morning I got up, and I felt TERRIBLE – felt like I was in a FOG!  I felt dizzy, wobbly, and shaky.  So many times when I get up, I feel shaky – like my blood sugar is low.  Nothing I’ve read says anything about any of the meds or chemo cause low blood sugar.  But I do usually feel better after I eat.  I think I’m going to bed too late (because I’m a night owl), which makes me get up late, and there is too much time between the previous evening meal and breakfast the next morning.

I think the biggest cause of this shaky/wobbly/dizziness is this gabapentin – the medication the doctor put me on for the hot flashes.  I only take it at bedtime, and it has all but cured my hot flashes.  I can’t tell you what a relief that is, but these side effects are nearly worse than the hot flashes!!!  So, I just don’t know what to do.  I really need to talk with the doctor again about this.  I’m wondering if you are on the medication for a while, if these side effects start to go away.  If not I may have to go back to the hot flashes, because I do not like to be in a fog all day and wondering if I’m going to tump over at some point.

This morning, I got up and didn’t feel too bad.  I washed up in the bathroom, put on my makeup and decided to touch up my hair a bit.  All of a sudden, I broke out in a sweat and had to sit down with my head between my knees.  Every time I tried to get up, I felt like I would faint and fall on the floor.  Guy was still in bed, and I hated to wake him up, but I finally had to call out to him to help me back to lie down on the bed.  I was weak as a cat!  I had him get me some orange juice, and after a few minutes, I carefully got dressed and inched down the stairs.  I got some breakfast, and began to feel human again.  That really scared me!!  I just knew I was going to fall out on that bathroom floor earlier.

So, now, I’m trying to figure all this out.  Is it the gabapentin?  Did I crash after coming off of the corticosteroids I take the day before, of and after chemo?  What is causing all this crazy dizziness and weakness????? Yikes, I hate that!!!

After I ate breakfast this morning, I felt better, and we even went out with Mark to eat Mexican food for lunch before his trip back to Canada.  For the rest of the day, I’ve done very well, but I sure did have a rough start to the day!!!

Every night I’ve wondered – do I take this gabapentin or not?  I love being hot-flash-free, but at what price???  I have slept well for the last 3 nights, so I know it helps me to sleep (side effect – drowsiness)

OK, enough whining……..

I finally broke down and bought a crochet hook and some yarn – like I don’t have a ton of this at the house in Little River!  I hate sitting without my hands busy.  And I thought it would help to exercise my left wrist.  I found this cute little doggie sweater pattern to make for Annie.  

I have no idea when I get it done if she will let me put it one her, but I figured here during KS winters, it might come in handy.  I crocheted on it all last evening, and when I went to bed last night, I had stabbing pains in my wrist!  Guess it is not used to that!  😀  So I rubbed some of my essential oils on it, and it did not keep me awake.  I’ve almost got the length of the sweater done, and then I’ll do the legs.

This morning’s devotion was one I really needed.  I gotta tell you……I’m NOT known for being a patient person.  I just want this to all be over, so I can get on with my life!  So, this kind of hit me between the eyes.

By Julie Ackerman Link -

"Sometimes I joke that I'm going to write a book titled On Time. Those who know me smile because they know I am often late. I rationalize that my lateness is due to optimism, not to lack of trying. I optimistically cling to the faulty belief that “this time” I will be able to get more done in less time than ever before. But I can't, and I don't, so I end up having to apologize yet again for my failure to show up on time.

In contrast, God is always on time. We may think He's late, but He's not. Throughout Scripture we read about people becoming impatient with God’s timing. The Israelites waited and waited for the promised Messiah. Some gave up hope. But Simeon and Anna did not. They were in the temple daily praying and waiting (Luke 2:25–26, 37). And their faith was rewarded. They got to see the infant Jesus when Mary and Joseph brought Him to be dedicated (vv. 27–32, 38).

When we become discouraged because God doesn't respond according to our timetable, Christmas reminds us that “when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son . . . that we might receive adoption to sonship” (Gal. 4:4–5). God’s timing is always perfect, and it is worth the wait.

Heavenly Father, I confess that I become impatient and discouraged, wanting answers to prayer in my own time and on my schedule. Help me to wait patiently for Your timing in all things.

God’s timing is always right—wait patiently for Him." - Our Daily Bread

I must try harder…..

As always…..I’m in His hands……

Another good day…..

I’ve really had another pretty good day.  I’m just still amazed at how good I feel the day after chemo.  I’m sure it probably has to do with this Dexamethasone I take the day before and the day after, plus the pre-medications I take IV before the actual chemo starts.  But for whatever reason, I’m most thankful. 

We went last-minute Christmas shopping today.  What were we thinking???  The traffic was pretty heavy, even though we had a pretty straight shot just down the road.  I wanted to go to Kohl’s.  The parking lot was just full.  Guy let me out at the door and went to find a place to park and just sit in the car and wait for me.  I only had one thing I wanted to get – a little piece of jewelry.  I found it, put it in my cart and decided to look around just a bit.  Then I saw the line to check out  – it was down the length of the store, around the corner, and half-way to the back of the store!!  And I had one tiny item!!  And I didn’t want to spend the rest of my afternoon there!  Then I remembered – there were checkout registers in the jewelry department.  Back across the store to the jewelry counter I zoomed!!!  In about 10 minutes I was out the door. 

Then we went to Walmart.  I know – what was I thinking going to Walmart on Dec. 23^rd?????  I forgot when I was there a few days ago to get my Premier Protein drinks.  And I was out.  I had been kind of neglectful of pushing my protein last week, and this particular drink has 34 g of protein per serving – the highest amount you can get in a protein drink.  It was recommended to me by my home health nurse.  It is low in sugar, too.  So many of the protein drinks are high in sugar and give you half to a third of the amount of protein.  It is hard to find in the grocery stores, and if you get it in a drug store, it is very expensive.  Walmart has it very reasonably priced and has all the flavors.  So far I’ve only tried the chocolate, but I wanted something I could drink in the evenings.  They were out of vanilla, so I got chocolate, strawberry, and caramel.  I hope the caramel is not too sweet tasting.  They all have only 1 g of sugar.  My sister said she liked the caramel.  I also had run out of Christmas bows and had a few more gifts to wrap.  So once again, Guy sat in the car while I bucked the inside crowd to get what I needed.  The pharmacy and Christmas supplies were all on the north end.  Then I remembered I needed milk.  Guess where the milk was – yep, on the far opposite end, clear at the back.  I didn’t want to have to stop on the way home at the grocery store just to get a half gallon of milk, so I trekked across the whole store, dodging cart after cart on my mission to get that measly half gallon of milk!  Then back to the express lines to check out.  By the way, the express line is only a fast as the clerk – believe me!  But luckily, I didn’t have to wait too long.  Guy called to tell me where he was parked, and it wasn’t all that long until we were back out into the traffic.  Guy complains and talks CONTANTLY about traffic and drivers the whole time we are in a car driving anywhere – even if there are two or three cars on the road, so you can imagine the constant chatter all the way home.  As we were leaving the parking lot, I said, “How about driving home without talking about the traffic for once – just a challenge to you!”  Do you know, we never got out onto the main road until he just couldn’t help himself!!!  Oh, well……… 😀

Before I went to bed last night I took that pill the oncologist prescribed to help me with the hot flashes.  I should have never looked at the side effects – they scared me to death!  But I was determined to try it.  One of the main ones was drowsiness, so I figured that could only help me.  I actually really slept well.  I think I only turned over twice, and I only had to slightly remove the bedcovers back for just a bit – SOOO much better than the other nights.  And I only had 1-2 hot flashes all morning.  They were mild and didn’t last long.  I would say at this point – after only taking one pill, that the hot flashes have been cut in more than half, are mild, and do not last as long.  They are tolerable.  Whew!!  What relief!

My home health nurse came this morning to discharge me.  She was so excited to see my arm is nearly healed and my leg is doing so well, too.  There is just a tiny little spot on my arm.  I asked if maybe just a Band-Aid could be used.  She put just a little spot of Xeraform on it, then this little piece of Telfa and tape. 

No more big wrap around my hand and arm.  

I feel so free!!!!  While out shopping it hit me - when I go out in public, I have to keep my long sleeve down over this new bandage, or people will think I tried to slit my wrist!!!  😀  She also reduced the amount of bandage over my leg, too – just a couple little spots of Xeraform over the still open areas, with Telfa and tape over them.  There is hardly any drainage coming from those spots now.  I’m so happy with how these are healing!

I know this scar on my arm is really ugly, but you know, I’m just not into beauty these days – wasn’t really thinking of entering any beauty pageants in my near future anyway!  I’m more into healing and surviving.  I’m going to look at this scar and use it as my badge of courage and testimony of what the Lord has brought me through.  No one will see that one on my thigh anyway since I do NOT wear shorts in the summer.  And the one on my head – well, hopefully some day, my hair will cover most of it.  And if it doesn’t, well there is just another badge of courage and survival.

I was telling my home health nurse about the miserable hot flashes that started after I started the chemo.  She felt like it was due to the chemo, rather than being off the HRT medication that long.  It was just too coincidental.  She said the same thing happened to her mother when she took chemo.  I really do feel like that is the case, too.  I told her about the medication that my doctor prescribed for the hot flashes and my concern about all the side effects.  She assured me that this was a common drug that was prescribed for this, so I felt better after talking to her – especially after experiencing the positive benefits of it today.

I’ve remained fairly shaky feeling most of the day, kind of feeling like my blood sugar is low, but eating doesn’t particularly relieve it – not shaky to the point that it kept me from being up and around and out shopping.  But it is one thing that I’ve not experienced this much.  I’m thinking it is the Dexamethasone or the Decadron they give right before the chemo.  Those are steroids, and I think they give those around the chemo time to help you feel better because they just put all that “poison” into you.  They do cause me to feel a little “hyped”, and I’m sure that’s why I seem to have the energy I do.  I have to be careful that I don’t do more than I really should because I have this “false” sense of well-being.  Am I making sense??  This is just my theory.  I’m going to ask the chemo nurse next time why they do give these steroids.

Well, I just stopped and Googled steroids and chemo therapy.  Here is what I found:

“Using steroids in cancer treatment

There are a number of ways steroids can help during cancer treatment. They include

• Treating the cancer itself, often alongside chemotherapy treatment
• Reducing inflammation
• Reducing the immune response, for example, after a bone marrow transplant or stem cell transplant
• Helping to relieve sickness when having chemotherapy
• Helping to boost appetite

Most people who have steroids as part of cancer treatment only need to take them for a few days or weeks (short term).”

And:

“Common types of steroids used in cancer treatment are: hydrocortisone, dexamethasone, methylprednisolone and prednisolone. Steroids can be used: as part of your treatment to help destroy cancer cells and make chemotherapy more effective. to help reduce an allergic reaction to certain chemotherapy drugs.”

So now, I think I understand it better.  I only take 2 in the morning and 2 at night the day before and the day after the chemo infusion, so I’m sure it has something to do with enhancing the chemo medication.

Hey, I just realized that I’ve set here the whole time I’ve been writing this, and I’ve not had one hot flash!  Last night was a whole different story.  This is GREAT!!

I think last night I did a good bit of rambling and skipping all over the place while writing that blog!  Flight of ideas!  😀  I guess that is what happens when you write your blog the day of chemo, and the “loopy” drugs are still in your system a bit.  😀  Or maybe that’s just the way I write sometimes! 😀  If I don’t write it when I think of it, it gets lost these days.

Tomorrow, the boys come back from their mom’s for Christmas Eve.  They will stay the night and then go back for Christmas day.  We always open gifts Christmas Eve at our house, and they always open Christmas morning at their mom’s.  Then when Jeannine arrives on the 28^th, we’ll have Christmas with her and the girls.  She wanted to be here to go to my chemo treatment with me on the 29^th.  They will be here a whole week while they are out of school.  I’m really looking forward to seeing her again. If I still have my hair, I think I may have her trim it up to just below my ears. I haven’t had it trimmed for so long, and I think it will be more manageable if it is a little shorter.  Right now, when I go out and put my hats on, it all seems to work its way toward the front and get in my face for some reason.  Long hair is easier to care for than short hair, but there seems to be a length where it becomes more work, and I think mine is at that more work stage right now.  That probably makes no sense to anyone but me!  😀  Oh, well……

Today, I had periods of time when I just felt SO blessed!  I got the sweetest card from a former coworker, Mary Streetman, in Alabama, and it blessed my heart SO much!  You know, when you get a card in the mail that someone took the time, money, and effort to buy, wrote a wonderful note in it, put a stamp on it and put it in the mailbox, you cannot imagine what that means to the person on the other end.  And I have received so many from others, too,  it just blesses my heart beyond measure!!!  Until you are the recipient of those, you just have no idea how much they mean.  I’ve never been a big card-sender, but I can tell you, in the future, I will change my ways, because I know how much it means to that other person.

I just can’t get over the ways the Lord continues to bless my life!!  I know every day cannot be a mountain top experience, but I’m sure enjoying the ones I’m having right now!

And as always…….I remain in His hands…….