This has been a better week for several reasons. For one, I’ve felt better – felt stronger and able to be up and about more. Still cannot get out around crowds, and if I have to, I wear a mask. They say the peak of the flu season has not yet arrived. ARGH!! It’s just terrible out there! Thankfully, I love my home – kind of a home-body anyway these days.
I have certainly not called hospice!
The highlight of my week was a visit from my cousin, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. She lives near Seattle. For those of you who do not know her, she is a speaker and an author of many books. Many have read her first book, The Way They Learn. You can view her website here http://cynthiatobias.com. Here is a little except from her website.
For over 30 years, Cynthia Ulrich Tobias has been sharing her professional insight and practical tips for educating the audience to understand the unique needs presented by all kinds of learning styles and finding success for even the most difficult or strong-willed children and adults.
Cynthia speaks to parents, educators, law enforcement agencies, and leaders in our communities who deal with diverse and challenging individuals—and helps them learn the wisdom, power, and life-changing benefits of turning conflict into cooperation.
She has a very busy schedule, but she had a 3-day window, so she flew into Wichita and rented a car. I felt so honored to have her take this time to come see me. I used to go help her with her book table whenever she would be speaking near me, but her husband takes care of all that now. I just love to hear her speak. She is so good and so witty! Her website has several videos of her speaking.
She is the daughter of a Nazarene pastor. Her mom was my dad’s younger sister. Her mom died a little over a year ago, and her dad just died recently. Cindy has a younger sister, and they all lived near one another. Her parents and my parents were always very close. I’m sure they are all enjoying their reunions in heaven.
Anyway, we had such a great time of catching up and just being together. Her visit really lifted my spirits. She feels more like a sister then a cousin.
Thursday was my lab day. This was the first lab work since getting out of the hospital, so I was anxious to see the results. When I left the hospital, my white blood count (WBC) was 3500, hemoglobin 9.4 and platelets 145. Thurday’s results were WBC 7,400, Hgb 11.4, and platelets 294. Woo hoo!! That’s why I’ve been feeling so much better. (Normals are WBC 4,000-11,000, Hgb 12-15, and platelets 150-450.)
Friday, I had an appointment to see Dr. Page, the local oncologist, in McPherson. I was really looking forward to seeing his take on this whole situation since being in KC and seeing Dr. Powers. You’ll recall that Dr. Powers told me to start thinking about hospice, and I refused to think about that now. Dr. Page had just received the CT report and knew about the two lung nodules that had increased in size and the tumor in my rib. He asked what Dr. Powers thought about all this. I told him that I was kind of upset and uncomfortable with Dr. Power’s suggestion of hospice, and I had to ask about Avastin or pills to take. I told Dr. Page that I felt like Dr. Powers had given up on me. He agreed that I should stop the Adriamycin since it was apparently not helping and was just too toxic for me. His feelings were that the pill, Nexavar, was an appropriate thing to try. I only started it last Wednesday, so it’s too soon to know if there will be any positive results. The spots on my face have enlarged over the last two weeks. So far, I have not had many side effects from the pill. I told Dr. Page that I still had hope, and as long as there was something I could take, I would take it. When all help runs out, then I’ll think about hospice. He felt as long as my quality of life was good, there was no need to think about hospice. He did mention along the way that this was not curable. I try not to think about that. I have a big God and many, many prayer warriors. Only God knows and is in control of my situation. He numbers my days, not doctors.
I have not stuck my head in the sand, or am I in total denial about this cancer, but at the same time, I have to make the most of what I have and live my life to the fullest. None of us are going to live forever. There are a lot worse ways of dying than having cancer and taking advantage of hospice to ease your going. I could be hit by a Mac-truck out on the highway, and I think that would be rather painful!!
I just always assumed that I would probably live into my 90s since both of my parents did. That frustrates me a bit, because I have a lot of things that I would like to do yet, and I should have about another 20 years to do them! (Feel cheated a bit perhaps….) But I know that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Being incurable, it will take a Divine healing for me to live into my 90s. So far, that has not happened. There is healing going on all the time, or my lab counts would not have been good – just not the healing from the cancer. Why? I don’t know, and don’t understand. Some people win the lottery – some people get rare cancers. Some people are stuck by lightening – some people get rare cancers. I don’t know what the percentage is on my cancer – I will not go on the internet to look up my cancer. I don’t want to know the details, because it would take away my hope. Given the choice, would any of you want to know the day/month you are going to die? I don’t think so, so I don’t want to know my life expectancy. I just want to live every day to the fullest – as I feel like it. The problem is, some days, I just don’t feel like it.
One of the things that nags at me, is that I have a whole room full of fabric and two machines (one for which is very expensive) sitting there waiting for me to work on them. I want to, but can’t seem to get motivated to begin. With all the things I want to do, I look at all the projects and just get overwhelmed, so I don’t work on at all. Is that crazy? I’m I crazy? I hope not. I suspect it’s just the nature of the beast. J
Looking forward to going to church tomorrow – with mask, of course. Just counting my blessings this evening for a good week.
As always…..I’m in His Hands…..