Sunday, April 23, 2017

A beautiful Sunday.....

It is a beautiful Sunday here in the middle of Kansas in the middle of April.  It is sunny, very little wind, and 68 degrees.  I looked at the Alabama weather and saw that it will be in the 80s this week, where we will be in the 60s and 70s.  I’m trying not to think about those early warm springs we enjoyed for 27 years – with them coming in March and early April – breaking out the crop pants and sandals.  I’m still wearing long socks and long pants with jackets handy.  Although, everyone else seems to be changing to spring clothes.  We are just not quite acclimated yet.  The one thing that makes the “late” spring here worth is, though, is NO SPRING ALLERGIESS!!  (so far, at least)  It’s a fair trade off, as far as I’m concerned.  I miss all the beautiful flowering trees and bushes, but I DO NOT MISS THE MISERY IT CAUSED ME THERE!!  I have enough other stuff to deal with here.  The Lord knew I could not handle allergies along with all the rest.  Thank you, Jesus!!

This morning church and SS was a blessing.  The SS scripture was about how nothing can separate us from the love of God.  NOTHING – “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Not even cancer……

One young lady shared her heart this morning in our class.  She’s been through a lot in her life, but her faith is so strong, and I admire her so much.  I love being among those who are not afraid to be vulnerable and transparent and share their heart among people who are so accepting, loving, and supporting.  I’ve also been the recipient of that acceptance, love, and support.  Could not make it without it.  God knows where to place you just when you need to be there.

I have forgotten to drink water today…..ARGH!  Actually, I slept all afternoon.

I decided last night to stop the denial.  I’m quite sure this spot on my head is cancer that has come back.  It is in the exact place of one of the 3 spots that were there when I started the chemo.  Two of them are essentially gone.  This one never really disappeared.  It always had two tiny remaining black spots.  I still do not know how I got the all-clear MRI.  I guess, as aggressive as it is, it can just come back that fast.  I’ve analyzed it six-ways-from-Sunday.  It appeared the week after 2 weeks off chemo.  It appeared before the dosage was reduced, so it didn’t have anything to do with that.  I don’t know if it is the result of the two weeks off – or if it is just coincidental. 

After the day I found out the original biopsy results, and I went to the car and Googled angiosarcoma, I have never gone back to read anything on it.  I want to ask the doctor if it is curable or am I going to have to live with this the rest of my life.  But I’m not sure I really want to know.  I’ve never been a stick-your-head-in-the-sand kind of person.  I ordinarily want to know everything there is about a subject.  But if I were told this is not curable, I’m afraid I’d lose my hope – and I simply cannot do that.  Do I believe in miracles?  Yes, I do.  Will I get one?  I don’t know…..

I don’t know how to pack for our trip to Kansas City.  I’m hoping we can go up there, find out the plan and come back home with the plan implemented in Hutch.  Just as sure as I take only clothes for an overnight stay, they will want to implement the plan there.  I guess I’ll take enough clothes for a week’s stay, just in case.  It should be fun taking Mark’s 2 dogs, Annie with her cage, and suitcases in our Honda CRV.  I’m so thankful that Mark lives there.  I don’t know what we would do if we had to stay in a motel the whole time.  God is good to take care of all the details.

With no earth-shattering news to share tonight, I’ll cut this one short.

As always…….I’m in His Hands…..

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