Catching up with the good and the not-so-good

 Once again, I’ve kind of gotten behind here. It’s not as easy to type anymore with these numb, but at the same time, tender fingers.  Some of the nails are quite sore, and the cold weather really aggravates that.  Sometimes I just have to put on gloves.  I’ve been using emu oil to keep them from getting so brittle.  Last night I reached for the light in my bathroom and ran my right little finger into something and just snapped off half of that nail.  

I’ve never lost a nail before so I didn’t know what it might look like underneath.  That part is kind of soft.

I’ve actually had a couple pretty good weeks – as far as feeling good. I certainly haven’t been up to running any races, but I did bake a pan of baked oatmeal.  I cut it into pieces, wrapped them in foil, and froze them and have been enjoying warming that in the microwave, then pouring milk and blueberries over it.  Yum!  Some days I feel like actually cooking oatmeal for breakfast (has to be the old-fashioned kind – none of that quick or packaged stuff!), but this baked is SO good and so handy and quick.

I’ve been able to keep my laundry up, although my bed really needs washing. Just hate the making it back up. Guy washed up two beds last week, and I helped him make them (exhausting!), so he’ll help me with this one – just need to get it done.  I put gloves on to keep from snagging my nails.

I got my double chemo last Friday, and so far, so good, with the side effects.  Haven’t really developed any yet, which concerns me a bit – am I getting enough of the chemo with this reduced 25% amount of the Taxotere???  A week ago last Monday, I was supposed to get fluids, but didn’t really need them after just the Gemzar.  I felt pretty good all week.  I was tired and short of breath due to the low hemoglobin, but paced myself.  My hgb had gone from 7.7 to 7.9, so I thought things were looking up.  I was eating foods high in iron – Guy was cooking me bags of fresh spinach.  And then the next lab work showed a drop to 7.2.  ARGH! The normal is 12-15, and anything below a 7 will result in a transfusion.  Dr. Page had ordered IV iron to be given, but it got hung up in insurance approval for nearly two weeks!  Here I am, out here huffing and puffing along while approval is sitting on someone’s desk in who knows where!!!  So Friday, I went through my chemo treatment just fine. 3 days of taking steroids will make you feel like you can concur the world.  I know I over-did Sunday – went to SS and church, played my keyboard (couldn’t put much pressure on the keys, but thankful for a sound system.)  We went to Lyons after church and ate Chinese food. It’s pretty greasy, but I didn’t eat much and got along OK – so far.  I go there for those little sugar-coated fried biscuits anyway! 😀

The big problem Sunday was two NFL championship playoff games, and they both went into overtime.  Of course, the KC Chiefs was the late game and both games were pretty exciting.  It was so hard for me to cheer and, at the same time, try to remain calm.  I tried my best, but when it was all over, and I went to bed, I dozed a couple hours, and then I was playing football the rest of the night – even with my sleeping pill. An over-done day and hardly any sleep, I figured I’d feel like I’d been hit by a Mack truck the next day.  But I didn’t!  I got up, ate my breakfast, and got dressed, and was ready to go to McPherson to start my 5 days of shots.  They were prepared for me to need fluids, but I could hardly believe I wasn’t crashing and burning like I do on Mondays after the double chemo.  

I was so excited that the approval for my IV iron had come through, so when we prepared to go in for my shot at 1:00, I’d get the iron, too. We decided to go eat at Applebee’s before going for the treatment.  As soon as I walked in the door, as we were waiting to be seated, I got this intense dizzy and fainting feeling. 😞 I grabbed onto Guy and made it to our table.  I ate, but felt weak and shaky the whole time.  I recognized the symptoms of needing fluids that always seem to come on so suddenly.  By the time we got to the infusion center, they evaluated me and started the 1000 ml of fluids.  That took two hours.  The iron was only 16 mins, but I had to have 250 more ml of fluid because iron tends to drop your BP.  I got my Zarxio shots started (given every day for 5 days to build up my WBC).

I tried my best to get a nap during that time because I was soooo tired, but I didn’t have any luck.  Sitting directly across from me was an elderly man who was sooo thin.  There was a young lady that was with him – I supposed it was his daughter.  She was very attentive to his needs.  I could tell he was so miserable and in pain.  I felt SO bad for him!  I just laid there and prayed for him!  🙏  He was to come back the next day for a surgical consult.  I have no idea what his problem was, but I just could hardly stand to see him so miserable.  The room was nearly full of patients, so since I couldn’t get to sleep, I just started to pray for each one. You just don’t have to look very far to see others that are so much worse off than yourself.  I just thank the Lord so much that I have so little pain!  If I do, it is related to my SE, and I get relief from them.   I see so many there that have a lot of constant pain related to their cancer.  I truly feel blessed in that manner.

Mark is here for a few days – a working vacation, I guess, because he’s on a lot of conference calls, but it is nice to have him until the end of the week. He’s helping with the cooking, and he’s a good cook!

A couple of days ago, I went downstairs and spent some time among my fabric and patterns. 

 I didn’t get any real thing accomplished, but I handled a lot of fabric and dreamed.  I’d sure love to have the strength to sew a few stitches.  Maybe as this iron takes effect, I’ll get some strength and motivation to actually do something.  I do get a 2^nddose of IV iron next week.  I can already tell that the 1^st one is helping.  I wonder if I’ll ever be able to do handwork again.  How I love to hand applique!   I wonder how much of this numbness is permanent.  I know it is permanent in my feet.  Oh, well…..I’ll just have to learn to live with however it turns out.  I’d rather be alive and not able to sew than the alternative.

The weather has been brutal here for a couple weeks.  COLD and WINDY.  We have escaped the heavy snow, but today we did have to deal with ice on our windshield as we drove to McPherson and back.  This evening, it has been snowing off and on – just supposed to get flurries. We just can’t seem to get a break in the cold and wind..  Last night, however, was one of the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen!  It looked like the sky was on fire!!  God’s handiwork is amazing!!

I’m just very grateful for the days that I’ve felt good.  Perhaps I went into this last chemo feeling a little stronger, so maybe that is why I’m tolerating it pretty well.  I keep waiting for the “shoe to drop,” but I need to just focus on one day at a time – so hard to do, especially when I know this next scan is looming the 29^th.  

Please pray this chemo is effective.  🙏🙏  I’m a bit discouraged with it right now with how it looks.  I don’t see a lot of improvement since we’ve gone to this new schedule.  I think I’m going to ask him to go back to the full dose, rather than the reduction of 25%. I think he reduced it because of the SE and how hard it was hitting my nails.  The scan will tell the tale, but it is a ways off. I try not to worry about it.

I just need to trust Him, focus on His presence, and His peace.  That always gets me through the rough spots. I so appreciate all your continued love, support and prayers!!  Could not make it without you!! 💖

And as always….I’m in His hands…..

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Still a lot of fluid in that purple area. Red area is flat and drier.

Left side of face seems swollen. Not sure what the pink stripe is - I guess a SE.

The area is not as  bulbous as it was - just a bit dryer than it was.

 Nothing on the right side of my face, thankfully.