Wednesday, January 4, 2017

More transitioning……

2017 has started off well.  It was nice to have Jeannine and the girls here for a few days.  Sunday was spent together as a family working on a jigsaw puzzle.  It’s not so much putting the puzzle together as it is the conversations that develop while working on it.  It was a very nice and relaxing day.

Since my hair continued to come out in large handfuls after Jeannine shortened it, I decided to go ahead and have Jeannine just cut it completely short.   Sunday morning, while showering, I washed it, and hair was everywhere.  I think it was actually more traumatic for Jeannine to cut it than it was for me to have it cut.  She cut it pretty much in a short pixie cut.  

I went through it will a fine-toothed comb, so it is considerably thinner.

Then in the evening, I cut the tag on the one wig, and we went out for Mexican food for supper.  It was nice to just walk in feeling (and looking) like everyone else – no hat, no scarf.  For a while, I just felt “normal.”

Some time ago, I ordered the My Pillows.  Guy had been using his for a while, but I hadn’t tried mine since I had to sleep with my head in a certain position.  But now I can pretty much sleep any way I want.  It is so nice to not have to worry about messing up my hair – I just plop my head up in the middle of the pillow and enjoy it.  It didn’t take me any time to get used to the pillow.  I really like it.  It isn’t particularly helping me get to sleep any sooner.  It takes me nearly 2 hours to get to sleep.  ARGH!  And I don’t sleep very soundly.  I’ve been waking up way too early, too.  It may very well have to do with the gabapentin since I take that at bedtime.  But that medication is working, because, while the hot flashes came back last week, they have pretty much left again.  What a blessing that is!!

I’m still pretty amazed that I feel as good as I do.  I’ve been trying to rethink my attitude this week.  All my life, the word “cancer” has held such fear.  I’ve thought that if you get cancer, it just spells the end for you.  I know that in this day and time, medicine has made such great strides, and many times, it is far from a death sentence today.  I really thought I would feel sick during this time.  Now, don’t get me wrong, for a while there, I was NOT the peak of health during those 1st two surgeries.  However, since that time, although there have been a few days where I felt really crummy, for the most part, I have felt good.  I’m trying now to see myself as someone who is healthy and well – someone who just happens to be taking medication.  I’m trying to see myself as someone who is not sick and just go about my day as usual.  There may come a time as I get further into the chemo treatments that I do not feel good, but for now, I’m rejoicing and enjoying feeling fairly normal.  I know one’s attitude is so powerful, and I intend to use it for the best. 

The nurse from the Hutchinson oncologist’s office called yesterday to say that they had received more files from the office here in Kansas City.  They originally  thought that I had not started chemo yet, so they could not begin it for a week after seeing the doctor.  However, now that they know I’ve been taking treatments here, she said that they would be able to do my chemo the same day I see the doctor.  That will work out great because I can get my chemo on Tuesdays.  Wednesdays are the ladies’ Bible study at the church, and Thursdays are the luncheons at the senior center.  I’m so anxious to get back to those!  Tuesdays are pretty much open.

Once a month, the Lyons ladies meet in the evening for their quilt guild meetings.  My chemo should not interfere with those.  I joined that group when we first moved back and then disappeared.  One day the president of the guild called to give me some information she was giving to all members.  I did tell her briefly why I had not been able to attend the meetings.  After that, I got a card from the group.  One of the members of the guild is a lady that I worked with in a doctor’s office there many, many years ago. She was a Little River person, but was older than me – more like my brother’s age.  I loved working with her.  She was such a professional nurse, and I always looked up to her.  I’m anxious to get back to see everyone.

I know that getting back home will help me with the feelings of “normal”, too, because here, we don’t have any friends and really nothing to do except go to the grocery store and eat out once in a while.  Being back among our friends will help to occupy my time.  I remember after the 1st chemo thinking – one down, and all these many chemo treatments to go.  I was just telling Guy today, “You know, I’ve already got a month’s worth of treatments under my belt!”

Yesterday we took the boys to Einstein’s Bagels. 

They do love bagels, and I’ve come to like them as well.  A bagel is just not something that we had growing up.  They come in such a wide variety of flavors.  I think my favorite is cinnamon raisin with honey butter, but the chocolate truffle is good, too, as well as the cranberry.

This morning after Guy took the boys to school, we went to breakfast at the Egg and I.  

We have to get all our last flings in here, because we are going to be going home shortly!!!  Woo hoo!!!  Our plans for right now are to go home Sunday.  This is if Mark gets home on Saturday as planned.  If he gets home early, we’ll go sooner.  The last time I got my heart set on going, it all fell through.  But this time, I don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t come off as planned, since I’m doing well.

We are supposed to get 2-3 inches of snow here tonight.  It is once again very cold, so I may get to use those snow boots yet.  I thought taco soup sounded good for supper tonight.  I made some buttermilk biscuits from scratch that I found on Facebook.  They were a real hit.  It called for 8 Tbsp of sugar, but I thought that might be a bit too sweet, so I reduced it to 6.  They were crispy on the bottom and on the top.   I had my last one with a little honey on it – for dessert.   That’s one recipe I’ll keep and make again.  I also made “Bread-in-a-Bag” that I saw online.  It turned out OK – I probably should have used regular oil rather than olive oil, because it has a little “whang” taste to it.  I guess I was on a bread kick today!

From today’s devotional – Jesus Calling  “Refresh yourself in the Peace of My Presence.  This Peace can be your portion at all times and in all circumstances.  Learn to hide in the secret of My Presence, even as you carry out your duties in the world.  I am both with you and within you.  I go before you to open up the way, and I also walk alongside you.  There could never be another companion as devoted as I am.

Because I am your constant Companion, there should be a lightness to your step that is observable to others.  Do not be weighed down with problems and unresolved issues, for I am your burden bearer.  In the world, you have trials and distress, but don’t let them get you down.  I have conquered the world and deprived it of power to harm you.  In Me you may have confident Peace.”

God’s peace….this is one thing He has truly given to me throughout this whole ordeal.  Only just a few times, for only a very short time, have my fears overtaken me.  For this, I’m SO VERY grateful.

And as always…….I remain in His hands……

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