Saturday, November 19, 2016

A mix of emotions today....

Yesterday the home health RN came by to change the dressing on my arm and my leg.  She raved about both of them.  As I’ve said before, I’m not an expert on grafts and what they look like as they heal.  I can see a large area in the center of my arm graft that is nice and pick.  She said that area is “healed”.  But up near my wrist, it is anything but pink.  The area all around the outside of the stitches is nice and pink.  She still says it is healing nicely.  My leg is less “drippy” now, so it doesn’t come through the dressing and get on my clothes or bed any more. 

Later in the afternoon, the OT came by and gave me some exercises to do for my very stiff fingers of the left hand, now that that arm is out of the splint.  I’m allowed to move my fingers – just not bend my wrist much yet.  Bending it is very painful anyway.  It is amazing how something deteriorates when you haven’t use it for a couple weeks.  My fingers had become all dry and flakey.  So I scrubbed the dry skin off and have been putting lotion on to get them to come back to life.  I use them to type on my laptop, and that is good therapy for them, too. Guy bent my glasses a little on the left side, so the ear piece doesn’t impinge on the suture line.  So, with my vision back, and my left hand coming back, it is a lot easier to read and type.

I am able to totally dress myself now, although it takes me a long time.  My next goal is to be to do all that without breaking out in a sweat while doing it.

This morning Guy wanted to take me to breakfast at Einstein’s Bagels.  I think bagels are about as popular here as soccer is.  That place is always packed.  I’m not a morning person anyway, so I was tired this morning, but I thought I should go.  It would be good for me to get out.  I chose one of my hats to wear, and off we went.

When I ordered these hats, I was excited for them to arrive, but now that I have them, I don’t like wearing them.  For one, the stitches are tender at my hairline – where I do have feeling.  But more than that, when I have one of the hats on, I look, and thus feel, like a cancer patient.  When I’m home, I don’t wear a hat, and momentarily I can kind of forget.  I don’t want to look and feel like a cancer patient.  I don’t want to BE a cancer patient.  That’s all I could think of sitting there in the bagel place. I don’t want to be a cancer patient…..I don’t want to be a cancer patient…….but the reality is, I am. *sigh*  When I got in the car to go home, I started to cry.  I don’t want to be a cancer patient…..

Guy, wisely, did not take me home.  He took me to Academy Sports.  I wanted to just sit in the car, but I went in.  I had been wanting to get me some nice sweat pants and shirt.  Something comfortable, but not the frumpy Walmart kind that shrink 2” after one washing.  I found some nice ones, on a sale rack, even.  And I also found a nice red tweed soft cable knit cap with a soft, seamless lining.  


It just looked like a normal comfy winter hat – not a cancer hat!  I could wear that, and no one would know!

Today for the first time, I deliberately touched the flap on my head.  I don’t know why I hadn’t before.  Perhaps a little bit of denial going on…..I held the hand mirror and looked in the bathroom mirror.  It is so strange.  It is soft and warm all over.  Just feels kind of like a lamb’s leather jacket I have – only warm.  Since it doesn’t have any feeling, it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me.  I guess we’ll eventually become friends. :)

It’s been kind of an up-and-down mood day.  I couldn’t even really get into the Alabama football game.  The KU game was exciting though!

As always, I remain in His hands….

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