This morning I had a very weak, fainty spell. BP was really low, so knew I needed fluids. I had to go in for lab work anyway, so when I called the infusion center, they said, “Come on in.” I had a long talk with my nurse about the physical and emotional side effects I was experiencing. She called Dr. Page, and he said that when I come in for chemo tomorrow, he will reduce the Taxatere by 25%. He also recommended something for the mental part. I said I would think about it. I hate the thought of that kind of medication, but he said it would be low dose. This is the 2nddoctor (actually 3rdnow) that has recommended this, so perhaps I should listen to them. I’ll have him order it when I go in in the morning. Frankly, at this stage of my cancer, dependence on some medication should probably be my least concern.
I did finally get an email this evening from Dr. Powers. It is not encouraging.
“It seems like you are really struggling physically and mentally, Sheryl.
[He then talks about the antidepressant.]
I like the thought of reducing the dose of taxotere. But this chemo regimen gets harder and harder the more you get. Even if scans show improvement, it is unlikely that you will want to continue much more of this.
We can see you in a couple weeks with scans. I want you to really consider the best case/worse case scenarios and what that would mean to you. Even if best case, I am worried about your tolerance of further systemic therapy (without causing even further deterioration of your quality of life).
Peace and well wishes,
Ben”
Very sobering email. I have a lot of thinking and praying to do.
On a little light note…Mark came back for a few days. He made homemade lasagna. I think he missed his calling. He should have been a chef – I think at one time in high school, he may have considered it.
Today is the day to start my steroids in preparation for chemo tomorrow, so I’m feeling a little better. Rash on hands is not as painful and started peeling – also underarms. Eyes still watery, but itching has stopped (Praise the Lord!) Face and eyelids remain extremely dry and peeling. Not much itching, though. “Under-carriage” still tender.
One thing I can look forward to is Friday, Saturday, and probably Sunday with the steroids on board. After that time for the next week and a half, only God will be able to get me through it. I truly am in His hands. I know that He has my days numbered. I know that I trust him explicitly. I know that He is in charge of this plan. I know that He is in control – not the doctors. I know He will not desert me.
Ways you can pray specifically for me:
Wisdom - That I’ll know when God says it is enough - come on home.
His ever-abiding Peace
His ever-abiding Presence
Calmness
Comfort
That the chemo works on the cancer, but does not destroy me in the process
Guy and my family
And as always….I’m in His hands…….
PS Here is the amazing thing…….I hear God speak to me. The voice is not audible, but I definitely hear Him, when I speak to Him. Short, but assuring answers – “It’s OK” “I’m right here.” “Not yet.”
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