Update from today's doctor visit.....

Well, I think I kind of got some good news today.  I saw my cancer surgeon this afternoon.  He looked at this latest area, and felt it looked good, but he does want to schedule surgery to remove a good margin around it.  The good part of the news is that he thinks he can take what he needs, stitch the edges together, and not have to do a skin graft.  He doesn’t guarantee that no graft will be needed.  A lot is going to depend on what the PET scan on Monday shows and Dr. Power’s recommendation on Tuesday.  If the PET scan shows no hot spots, the surgery will be minimal, and I’ll go home the same day.  If it looks like he needs to take more, the plastic surgeon has already been told to be on standby.  There was a surgery opening on the 30^th, a week from today, so I will not have to wait a long time.  Next Tuesday, I’ll get the call as to when to come in on Wednesday.  As we left, we scheduled the post op check up for that surgery to be Dec. 15.  Those office visits just keep getting scheduled further and further out.  Beginning to wonder if we’ll get home for Christmas…..

I was supposed to see the plastic surgeon for the 2 week check up on the 30^th.  Now I’ll have to reschedule that.  I figured he would take the stitches out of the grafted area of my arm.  I can really feel those stitches pulling as that heals.

We are waiting now for Jeannine and her family to arrive.  Mark picked up the food for our Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods this afternoon.  It is in two big boxes out on the deck.  Thankfully it is cold enough that we can just store it there IF we feel like it is secured enough from neighborhood varmints.  His yard is not fenced in.  I don’t think we can get it all into the refrigerator.  I have not really seen any dogs in the neighborhood that are lose – other than ours when they go out.  I would hate to have spent all that money only to go out in the morning and see it scattered all over the backyard!!

Here’s wishing each and every one of you a very Happy Thanksgiving.  Be sure to count all your blessings; they are many even in the midst of your circumstances.  God bless each of you richly!!

As always, I’m in His hands…..

Hair fixing (yay!).....biopsy report (boo!)....

When your hair is clean and fixed, you just feel better, regardless of anything else that is going on.  The bath lady came by this morning and helped me wash it – well, she just washed it, I didn’t really help. I just held over the sink.  But Guy did hold the dryer for me so I could use the brush in my good hand and get it dry.  Then I used the curling/straightening iron on it a bit.  I parted it on the other side so I’d have more hair to go to the left.  

From the front, you can’t really tell anything is going on other than a little thinness on the left side.  

From the right side, everything is perfectly normal.  

BUT then I turn to the right….well, come on shaved areas……what are you waiting on????  Hurry up and GROW!

I was feeling upbeat until the phone rang.  The dreaded phone call.  It was Dr. Rameo, and the biopsy report was back.  It was no surprise at all; I knew what the report would be.  It was angiosarcoma, just like the other two.  I asked about the margins, but she said there was no report on them.  She talked with Dr. Mammen about that and asked if he wanted her to call about it.  He said, “No, most likely I’ll be taking some more (tissue) anyway.”  He had already notified Dr. Przylecki (plastic surgeon) to give him a heads-up.  Dr. M had scheduled an extra day in the office for this Wednesday, so I could come then, or wait for a week from Thanksgiving.  I decided to see him Wednesday rather than wait another whole week.  However, since he was willing to have me come in a week later, he must not feel it is urgent at this time. Dr. Ramero had said when I was at the last visit Dr. M didn’t want to “keep cutting on me.”  That is why he wanted me to see Dr. Powers, the oncologist, right away.  But apparently he has changed his mind – or at least left it open for more tissue removal around this last one if he felt it was necessary.  I can’t think that it would be very extensive since it was so small and didn’t have the characteristic look around it.  AND because I caught it early and had it removed.

So now I just wait to see what Dr. M recommends Wednesday.  To top it all off, I’ve had a scratchy throat yesterday and today.  I’m pouring down the Zicam and E-mergen-C, hoping to knock that in the head.  It worked the last time.  I know my immune system must be low.  I must work at staying calm and not get stressed.  Stress will get me sick every time. 

Take a deep breath……listen to your music……and pray away the stress (and burny throat).

As always, I’m in His hands......

Healing wounds and head coverings.....

Today, the home health nurse came by to change the dressings on my arm and leg. I'm amazed at the progress my arm has made just in two days. Up to this point I've had to take the nurse's word for it when she says it looks good. I've had my doubts, as you know. But today, I see lots of pink areas that I've not seen before. I'll show the progress from hospital until now. The 1st picture is in the hospital.

Here's the first picture I have and it was taken Nov. 8 just before i went home.  I think this was the 1st dressing change.  I thought it looked great,  It was pretty flat and even with the rest of my arm with good color.

This was the 1st picture at home, Nov. 10. Not a lot of change.

Here it is Nov. 10.  Here's where I had my doubts about the thing.  Looks pretty rough to me.  There's a good bit of pink across the middle.  The whole area is pretty sunken, especially on the elbow end.  I guess most of the swelling has gone out of it. Here's the classic example of it-has-to-get-worse-before-it gets-better I guess.  :)

This is today, the 20th.  I see lots more pink, especially on the wrist end.  The surface is pretty numb, so cleaning it and dressing changes are not painful.  The pain/discomfort comes if I try to bend it - which I'm not supposed to do yet.  My finger exercises that the OT gave me are limbering up my fingers a good bit.

 My leg is doing well, too, but it's just pretty much still "raw meat" looking. Anyway, I'm encouraged about the wounds healing. 

I hoping tomorrow to get my hair washed again.  I think those two stitches from the last removable will be healed enough. 

I've just been struggling to find satisfactory head covering for when we go out. I can walk into the hospital with this bare head full of healing stitches and not care too much, but don't really feel comfortable boldly sitting in a restaurant or walking down a grocery store aisle.  You just don't expect to see something quite this traumatic right in your face in public places.  Pretty much the hats I've gotten so far are nice, but even the softest is just a little too much pressure on the tender stitches yet.

So today I got a pretty, long, light-weight scarf to just kind of drape over my head and around my neck when we go out in public. The scarf covers the bare part of my head and is much more comfortable. I just kind of look like I'm trying out for the part of Mary in a Christmas play.    Soon, I'll be right in style with the season!

As always, I'm in His hands......

A mix of emotions today....

Yesterday the home health RN came by to change the dressing on my arm and my leg.  She raved about both of them.  As I’ve said before, I’m not an expert on grafts and what they look like as they heal.  I can see a large area in the center of my arm graft that is nice and pick.  She said that area is “healed”.  But up near my wrist, it is anything but pink.  The area all around the outside of the stitches is nice and pink.  She still says it is healing nicely.  My leg is less “drippy” now, so it doesn’t come through the dressing and get on my clothes or bed any more. 

Later in the afternoon, the OT came by and gave me some exercises to do for my very stiff fingers of the left hand, now that that arm is out of the splint.  I’m allowed to move my fingers – just not bend my wrist much yet.  Bending it is very painful anyway.  It is amazing how something deteriorates when you haven’t use it for a couple weeks.  My fingers had become all dry and flakey.  So I scrubbed the dry skin off and have been putting lotion on to get them to come back to life.  I use them to type on my laptop, and that is good therapy for them, too. Guy bent my glasses a little on the left side, so the ear piece doesn’t impinge on the suture line.  So, with my vision back, and my left hand coming back, it is a lot easier to read and type.

I am able to totally dress myself now, although it takes me a long time.  My next goal is to be to do all that without breaking out in a sweat while doing it.

This morning Guy wanted to take me to breakfast at Einstein’s Bagels.  I think bagels are about as popular here as soccer is.  That place is always packed.  I’m not a morning person anyway, so I was tired this morning, but I thought I should go.  It would be good for me to get out.  I chose one of my hats to wear, and off we went.

When I ordered these hats, I was excited for them to arrive, but now that I have them, I don’t like wearing them.  For one, the stitches are tender at my hairline – where I do have feeling.  But more than that, when I have one of the hats on, I look, and thus feel, like a cancer patient.  When I’m home, I don’t wear a hat, and momentarily I can kind of forget.  I don’t want to look and feel like a cancer patient.  I don’t want to BE a cancer patient.  That’s all I could think of sitting there in the bagel place. I don’t want to be a cancer patient…..I don’t want to be a cancer patient…….but the reality is, I am. *sigh*  When I got in the car to go home, I started to cry.  I don’t want to be a cancer patient…..

Guy, wisely, did not take me home.  He took me to Academy Sports.  I wanted to just sit in the car, but I went in.  I had been wanting to get me some nice sweat pants and shirt.  Something comfortable, but not the frumpy Walmart kind that shrink 2” after one washing.  I found some nice ones, on a sale rack, even.  And I also found a nice red tweed soft cable knit cap with a soft, seamless lining.  

 

It just looked like a normal comfy winter hat – not a cancer hat!  I could wear that, and no one would know!

Today for the first time, I deliberately touched the flap on my head.  I don’t know why I hadn’t before.  Perhaps a little bit of denial going on…..I held the hand mirror and looked in the bathroom mirror.  It is so strange.  It is soft and warm all over.  Just feels kind of like a lamb’s leather jacket I have – only warm.  Since it doesn’t have any feeling, it doesn’t feel like it belongs to me.  I guess we’ll eventually become friends. :)

It’s been kind of an up-and-down mood day.  I couldn’t even really get into the Alabama football game.  The KU game was exciting though!

As always, I remain in His hands….