Christmas Eve was a
gold-letter day for me. I felt as normal
as I ever have. I started the day with
washing my hair – even put on a little makeup for the 1st time in a
long time. I even put my wedding rings
back on since I figure I’m done with surgeries for a while. I’m not a makeup wearer beyond a little foundation
and cheek blush. I had to stop wearing
eye makeup long ago when I developed ocular rosacea and just never used it
again. But I really felt good, so I
dressed for the day and set about to get ready for our Christmas dinner. For some reason, I didn’t prepare very well
for this day, as far as food and a menu, but I’m thankful that Mark did. He had bought a ham, so I quickly went to
work putting together food to go with it.
(By the way, that ended up being the best ham I’ve EVER eaten!) I didn’t
have any of my recipe books here, but the good ole internet came to the
rescue. I thought I’d make an apple pie,
because that is Mark’s favorite, but when we made a run to the grocery store to
get what I needed, Mark picked up this luscious chocolate cheese cake! So, that relieved me from having to make a
pie. I pretty much spent the rest of the
day in the kitchen. Mark helped me a
lot. The boys were due back from their
mom’s about 5:00 pm so they could eat with us and then open gifts.
I just couldn’t believe how
great I felt! I didn’t get tired or
dizzy. We had a great meal and a great
evening sharing our gifts together. The
boys were supposed to go back to their mom’s, but they wanted to stay all night
and go back in the morning.
Christmas morning I got up,
and I felt TERRIBLE – felt like I was in a FOG!
I felt dizzy, wobbly, and shaky.
So many times when I get up, I feel shaky – like my blood sugar is
low. Nothing I’ve read says anything
about any of the meds or chemo cause low blood sugar. But I do usually feel better after I
eat. I think I’m going to bed too late
(because I’m a night owl), which makes me get up late, and there is too much
time between the previous evening meal and breakfast the next morning.
I think the biggest cause of
this shaky/wobbly/dizziness is this gabapentin – the medication the doctor put
me on for the hot flashes. I only take
it at bedtime, and it has all but cured my hot flashes. I can’t tell you what a relief that is, but
these side effects are nearly worse than the hot flashes!!! So, I just don’t know what to do. I really need to talk with the doctor again
about this. I’m wondering if you are on
the medication for a while, if these side effects start to go away. If not I may have to go back to the hot flashes,
because I do not like to be in a fog all day and wondering if I’m going to tump
over at some point.
This morning, I got up and
didn’t feel too bad. I washed up in the
bathroom, put on my makeup and decided to touch up my hair a bit. All of a sudden, I broke out in a sweat and
had to sit down with my head between my knees.
Every time I tried to get up, I felt like I would faint and fall on the
floor. Guy was still in bed, and I hated
to wake him up, but I finally had to call out to him to help me back to lie
down on the bed. I was weak as a
cat! I had him get me some orange juice,
and after a few minutes, I carefully got dressed and inched down the
stairs. I got some breakfast, and began
to feel human again. That really scared
me!! I just knew I was going to fall out
on that bathroom floor earlier.
So, now, I’m trying to figure
all this out. Is it the gabapentin? Did I crash after coming off of the
corticosteroids I take the day before, of and after chemo? What is causing all this crazy dizziness and
weakness????? Yikes, I hate that!!!
After I ate breakfast this
morning, I felt better, and we even went out with Mark to eat Mexican food for
lunch before his trip back to Canada.
For the rest of the day, I’ve done very well, but I sure did have a
rough start to the day!!!
Every night I’ve wondered –
do I take this gabapentin or not? I love
being hot-flash-free, but at what price???
I have slept well for the last 3 nights, so I know it helps me to sleep
(side effect – drowsiness)
OK, enough whining……..
I finally broke down and
bought a crochet hook and some yarn – like I don’t have a ton of this at the
house in Little River! I hate sitting
without my hands busy. And I thought it
would help to exercise my left wrist. I found
this cute little doggie sweater pattern to make for Annie.
I have no idea when I get it done if she will
let me put it one her, but I figured here during KS winters, it might come in
handy. I crocheted on it all last
evening, and when I went to bed last night, I had stabbing pains in my
wrist! Guess it is not used to
that! 😀 So I rubbed some of my
essential oils on it, and it did not keep me awake. I’ve almost got the length of the sweater
done, and then I’ll do the legs.
This morning’s devotion was
one I really needed. I gotta tell you……I’m
NOT known for being a patient person. I
just want this to all be over, so I can get on with my life! So, this kind of hit me between the eyes.
By Julie Ackerman
Link -
"Sometimes I
joke that I'm going to write a book titled On Time. Those who know me smile
because they know I am often late. I rationalize that my lateness is due to
optimism, not to lack of trying. I optimistically cling to the faulty belief
that “this time” I will be able to get more done in less time than ever before.
But I can't, and I don't, so I end up having to apologize yet again for my
failure to show up on time.
In contrast, God is
always on time. We may think He's late, but He's not. Throughout Scripture we
read about people becoming impatient with God’s timing. The Israelites waited
and waited for the promised Messiah. Some gave up hope. But Simeon and Anna did
not. They were in the temple daily praying and waiting (Luke 2:25–26, 37). And
their faith was rewarded. They got to see the infant Jesus when Mary and Joseph
brought Him to be dedicated (vv. 27–32, 38).
When we become
discouraged because God doesn't respond according to our timetable, Christmas
reminds us that “when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son . . . that
we might receive adoption to sonship” (Gal. 4:4–5). God’s timing is always
perfect, and it is worth the wait.
Heavenly Father, I
confess that I become impatient and discouraged, wanting answers to prayer in
my own time and on my schedule. Help me to wait patiently for Your timing in
all things.
God’s timing is
always right—wait patiently for Him." - Our Daily Bread
I must try harder…..
As always…..I’m in
His hands……
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