Had a meltdown tonight......

Had a bit of a meltdown tonight…..

I had decided it was time to cut some of the hair on and around this growth.  It was going to be gone with the surgery anyway.  So I cleaned it all up, got the scissors, and told Guy where to cut and how much.  I won’t say that that didn’t bother me just a little – I guess it shouldn’t.  I have long enough hair that it is all covered up – just a little thinner on that side.

But that wasn’t really the cause of the meltdown.   As I’ve mentioned before, there is another bump about 2-2 ½ inches higher and a little more to the back of my scalp.  This appeared probably about 3 weeks ago now.  The doctor here looked at it, didn’t know what it was, didn’t think it was significant, but said he would remove it during the surgery along with the main one, just to be safe.  Well, as I was looking in the mirror just before supper – AFTER writing my update for the day – I saw that this lump, too, is now slightly discolored in the center.  2 days ago, it was pink like the rest of my scalp.  This just confirmed what I suspected all along – this is another one.  I’m sure this one is in the early stages, but it is there nonetheless.  Very discouraging to say the least!  Lots of tears tonight….

I’m trying to stay positive, but, frankly, it is very hard.  Yes, I have a lot of faith.  Yes, I have a lot of friends and family praying.  Yes, I have many saying lots of encouraging things to me.  But I am scared…….scared.  I’m human, and I’m scared. 

That’s just the long and short of it tonight…….

P.S. Talked later this evening with Jeannine, and she will be flying in the day before surgery.  That saved my night!