Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Roller Coasters

Roller Coasters……as a child and a young adult I LOVED roller coasters.  I would ride them at the The Kansas State Fair every year.  I loved the one at Disney Land.  I think it was called Thunder Mountain.  My dad just couldn’t stand riding them.  He told me about riding his 1st one, and with every hill, he scooted farther down in the car he was riding, being almost completely on the floor by the time it ended.  He never rode again!  I always thought that was so funny.  For many years of my adult life, I did not have opportunity to ride one – until Jeannine was going to college in Nashville, TN.  While there visiting her, we went to Opryland.  Oh, yay, a roller coaster!  So on it I climbed.  Oh, dear, after all these years of not riding, something happened!  With every twist of that machine, I was sure I was going to FAINT!!  Or DIE!!  I was so dizzy by the time I got off that thing, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk straight for a week!!  I’ve never felt so desperate and horrible in all my life!  I instantly understood why by dad never rode one again!  Whatever that thing is in your head that keeps your equilibrium working, over the years had apparently been slowly dying.  Anymore, I can easily get dizzy bending over too quickly.  Sooo, my roller coaster riding days are over……*sigh* 

Or so I thought…..although I have not been on a roller coaster at an amusement park the last few days, I have been riding an emotional roller coaster.  I’ll be going along in my day, doing my thing, and suddenly my emotions take a dive, and this overwhelming sadness begins to smother me.  Reality suddenly hits me up beside my head, and I once again realize that I have joined this large community of cancer people.  I just still have a hard time believing that this has actually happened to me.  Sometimes, I want to just sit down and cry.  I try to think of other people that are my friends or family members, and I just can’t think of any of them that have cancer (and are still alive, at least).  Sometimes I want to have a little pity party and ask, “Why me?  What was it that I did to deserve this???”  I suppose it is part of the process – like the grieving process – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  I think there is another phase though, and it’s at the beginning – shock.  I certainly went through the shock of it!  I continue to go in and out of it even yet.

But just as a roller coaster doesn’t stay at the bottom of the hill, I pray and/or think of an inspirational song, and the sadness abates, and I go on with my day.

One of the fun things I did today was go shoe shopping.  Guy decided to wash our athletic shoes a couple days ago, and now mine are too short to wear. Bummer!  They weren’t that old, either, and I really like them.  I tried on and tired on and tired on shoes.  I finally found a pair that I really liked - except for the PRICE!!  Yikes, those things are expensive! I just wasn’t going to pay that much.  (And the color wasn’t just exactly what I wanted.) While most of them felt like boxes on my feet, this pair felt like a glove.  But I left the store with my money intact.  I went home and went online.  Ah-ha!  Found them for considerably less – just my size and just the right color.  They’ll be on my doorstep Friday. (Well, Mark’s door.) That will give me something to look forward to.  I mean, who doesn’t love getting a new pair of shoes?

Then in the evening, we went to watch Dylan play soccer on the varsity team.  He didn’t score in this game, but it was exciting, nonetheless, with his team winning in double overtime!!  Soccer here in the Kansas City schools is soccer at a totally different level   Boys, these guys can play!

Until next time……

1 comment:

  1. Your writing struck a cord with me this evening.
    I remember when Mama was with us, being in Target one evening. It just seemed so wrong to watch people around me going through their normal routines when my life felt so chaotic. I wanted to scream, "Just stop! How can all of you go on about your normal life when mine feels so wrong right now?". Ordinary things like grocery shopping just seemed so wrong and out of place.
    Of course, now I realize that is just part of the Lord's mercy in our lives. He has built these things into our lives and they keep us from being stagnant- from sitting still and dwelling on those things we really can't do anything about.
    The Lord wants us to trust on Him, anyway- not on our own strength. I am so guilty of that sometimes. I feel weak and I feel like I'm never going to make it through my circumstance. In reality, it was never about me anyway. It was *always* about Him.
    I'm praying for you, my sweet friend. I pray the Lord comforts your heart today. I pray you will find healing. I hope it is pretty there today. Maybe you can go outside and breathe in fresh air and some sun? I know this season is so hard. When you feel that sun's warmth, close your eyes...I'm sending you a virtual hug. :D

    Can we talk shoes? I'm having an awful time finding shoes that won't hurt my feet. What did you settle on? I'm finding it's wise to ALWAYS check those online prices. I wish I had known that sooner- it sure would have saved me some money.